Playing by Heart
by the undying1
Summary: This fic is based on the movie "Playing by Heart", but only the storyline of Joan and Keenan. You don't need to know the movie to read this. BF


Playing by Heart  
  
Chapter 1  
  
The Charm was packed. The dance floor overflowed with hormone driven teens but Buffy danced alone. She danced as if these movements were her only source of survival, as if she would find herself spiraling out of control into the complete nothingness of a black hole if she stopped following the beat.  
  
Buffy felt out of control a lot since her impromptu summer vacation in L.A. Sometimes she regrets ever coming here, leaving her life without even a gesture of good-bye. L.A. had not brought her the freedom and escape she had sought at the time. It brought only harder times. So now she spent her days and nights alone with only her movements and the music.  
  
Once she finally realizes for tonight, the dancing can not erase her gloomy past, she heads for the door. But as the music subsides in her mind only her memories and regrets can replace the beat. As she passes the payphone near the door, she finds herself heaved from her thoughts and her attention brought to the beautiful brunette occupying it. The woman, whom Buffy had never seen before, was shouting about some cherished cat. "I poked through her shit looking for worms, I feed the fucking thing. All you do is pet her twice day...which is a hell of a lot more then you've been doing to me lately!" She proclaimed and Buffy thought she may be over reacting; what pet was worth the entirety of a nightclub being exposed to your obviously rough breakup? In spite of her attempts, Buffy stayed in earshot amongst the compressed crowd long enough to hear the women calm down and begin to rationalize with the unimpressed ex-lover. "Let's discuss this calmly, we're adults. We've been together a long time, well not a long time a sufficient 4 months." The brunette announced.  
  
Buffy tried to hurry herself through the crowd but it did not seem to move for her. Then the mystery woman hauled her from her current escape once more. She turned to her remove the headset from her ear and shout unrelentingly into it. "Until you fucking cheated on me with that slut from Bloomindales!" could be heard through out the club. Then the blonde slayer saw her slam the phone down yelling more profanities and smashing the machine. Before Buffy could recover herself, the brunette had already tapped her on the shoulder and asked politely for a quarter. She searched her pockets frantically; she just wanted to get out of here. When she retrieved the mangy coin, she looked up to be caught by two dark pools and a sparkling smile. Buffy shook herself from the trance long enough to smile back and quickly return to her escape root.  
  
The frustrated slayer is trying to keep her mind in one place but it seems to wonder to an undesired state of eavesdropping. She couldn't help it, for some reason this girls conversation of Ikea, Pottery Barn and Blanche, the cat, was overwhelmingly interesting to Buffy. "Don't be a fucking infant Jamie. You can take anything that came from Ikea, I just want the cat and Pottery Barn." The woman says and once more Buffy hears the phone click and a line of profanities follow suit, and she turns with her last quarter held out for the angry brunette. "It's my last one." The blonde states a-matter- of-factly and the girl replies, "The negotiations are almost over." She rotates to the phone and dials the number again saying thank you to helpful blonde.  
  
Buffy is almost at the doorway but she's still got one ear fixed on insistent girl at the telephone. She finds herself laughing at the one sided conversation, 'the guy sounds like a prize' she thinks. "Great! So here's the thing, I will be home in 2 hours, you and all your junk from the catalogs will be gone and the cat will be waiting for me purring softly." The girl states, finally getting her way and she hangs up, turning to grab Buffy and says, "Well, the least I can do after taking your last quarter is let you buy me a drink."  
  
Buffy didn't forget her need to leave but for some reason she decided it would be a good idea to take the girl up on her offer. So she smiled and followed the mysterious girl back through the crowd that, only moment ago, she was rushing to elude.  
  
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The spacey blonde sat motionless on the rough leather of the corner booth gazing unknowingly at the stranger across from her.  
  
"What your name?" Came the brunette's first attempt at conversation since they had settled into their cozy seats.  
  
"Buffy." The slayer said acting uninterested.  
  
"I'm Faith." The woman answered just as the waitress approached their table and she began to order. "I'll have a rum and coke and my spacey friend here will have...."  
  
"the same." Buffy finished glancing quickly from the spot she had been staring at.  
  
"Miss Unoriginal, will have the same." Faith says as the waitress is walking away. She looks back to Buffy with a knowing grin. "Lighten up B, I was just kidding." She says laughing a little. Then Faith tries to avert the conversation in a new direction. "So you must be wondering about that phone call." She stated and not waiting for a response continued, "Well, that was my ex, as you may have guessed."  
  
"Jamie." Buffy says still not interested but attentive none the less.  
  
"Right. Jamie. We were together 5 months..." Faith starts to explain before being cut off.  
  
"Thought it was 4." Buffy interrupts, though she is still sure she's not interested.  
  
"You were paying attention." Faith states somewhat shocked.  
  
"Everyone in the club was paying attention." Buffy retorts with a hint of snob.  
  
"Well we were together 5 months." Faith begins to tell the blonde all about their relationship and how it was doomed to fail from the start. "But I knew it wasn't gonna work 'cause first time were together I find out Jamie has the speed dial filled with fast food joints. So fuckin' lazy, never cooks, doesn't even own utensils, just uses the restaurant's plastic stuff! You can cook right?"  
  
"Yeah." Buffy responds quickly. What's it to her.  
  
"Well that's over now." Faith say holding up her glass. "To good riddens Jamie."  
  
"Good riddens Jamie." Buffy repeats also holding up her glass to toast. She takes s a short sip from her drink and then stops to gaze at the brunette who is gulp hers quite rapidly. She watches as Faith grabs the waitress and orders another, but stronger this time. She turns back to Buffy and flashes her an impressive smile. "So where were we? Oh, Jamie. The sex part wasn't bad. Y'know for a while. Then the laziness and total lack of imagination started to become more apparent. Every time, everything was exactly the same. It was like she was following some step by step instructional tape." Faith comment with a small laugh.  
  
Buffy gulped her drink almost choking. She? "Wait. She?" The slayer asked showing her obvious shock.  
  
"Yeah. Is that a problem?" Faith asked being serious the first time the entire night.  
  
"No. No. I just thought...Jamie....guy. Anyway, continue." She managed to force out.  
  
"Ok, so about 2 weeks ago I actually found this step by step instructional tape." Faith blurted out laughing causing Buffy to choke on her drink again. "You ok?" She asked still giggling. Buffy just nodded and the brunette continued. "Well, she's history and at least I still have Blanche." Faith finished smugly.  
  
"The cat." Buffy chimed in after recovering her breath.  
  
"Great cat." Faith stated with a superior grin. "She can look at you with complete disinterest and detachment. Not unlike how you're looking at me right now." She joked, trying her best to be friendly with the unresponsive girl. "You don't say much do you?" Faith asked.  
  
"Does anyone when they're with you?" Buffy answered. She wasn't trying to be funny, she just thought this girl never shut up. Faith chose not to react to the comment, she just smiled and played with her drink.  
  
"And here I thought you were just freaked about the gay thing." The brunette said looking up at Buffy while saying the last couple words.  
  
"No. I have lots of gay friends." Buffy lied. Why do I have to justify myself to her? It really doesn't bother me....much. Buffy was questioning herself, this girl really did get to her.  
  
"Ok, well we should do this again sometime?" Faith asked hopefully.  
  
"We aren't doing anything." Buffy retorted, still thinking about just how much Faith irratated her.  
  
"Let's do something else then. I'll even let you choose." She attempted to argue, still holding her confident demeanor.  
  
"Look, I'm kind of a loner." Buffy said shyly. You don't need excuses. Just say no.  
  
"I'll admit I've seen you around. You're always alone. So what's your story?" Faith was starting to be intrigued by the quiet blonde; she needed to know more.  
  
"That's just how I like it." Buffy stated pausing and getting up from her seat. "Look, I just don't come out with my entire life story over a couple of drinks." Then she lays down some cash and while walking away says, "I'm sorry, really. Your cat's lucky to have you." Faith sat still, just watching the blonde walk away.  
  
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The Charm was crowded again tonight. Buffy danced absent- mindedly; trying to shake off the tension built up from her new city life. The crummy diner where she worked was extra busy today and she received more then her share of butt slaps during today's shift. She had tried patrolling earlier, but found her heart wasn't in it and nor was her mind, and that could be dangerous when you fight the forces of darkness. She found her thoughts continually floating to Sunnydale and the people she loved, the same people she had failed completely. She decided her aggression could only be relieved by some vigorous dancing, feeling the rhyme pump through her vein could cure the case of "if onlys" she felt.  
  
She closed her eyes and dreamed she was somewhere else, with someone else, in another time. She tried to relive her fondest memories right there on the dance floor, imagining her table at the Bronze and all her friends seated around it laughing collectively. Was it ever really that good? It couldn't have been, or why would I have left. She was sudden pulled back to reality when a stranger rubbed against her back on the dance floor. She tried to ignore it and return to her perfect world that existed only in her head. But the intruder continued. Buffy looked over her shoulder eagerly wanting to find the perpetrator, and she found herself starring at two brown pools of pure beauty once again. Will I ever find peace? Not as long as Faith is stocking me. Faith grins mischievously at the blonde slayer and says, "You're not the only one who can dance alone." Buffy strains to hear over the pounding music, but her slayer hearing fails her.  
  
"What?" She screams over noise.  
  
"I said you look like a girl in need of a drink." Faith exclaims, proceeding to drag the girl from the over crowded dance floor.  
  
Now at a table, Faith is joking and laughing while Buffy continues to brood. Faith tries to grab the attention of a waiter rushing by and starts to order, "I'll have..." is all she gets out before the blonde chimes in.  
  
"We'll have two rum and cokes, please." She states with a small smile, which is received tenfold from the brunette.  
  
"I've had a crap day." Faith says out of the blue, successfully drawing Buffy's attention to her. She pauses only for second and when she realizes the blonde isn't going to respond, she spitefully adds, "How bad you may ask."  
  
"I might if you gave me the opportunity." She states blankly.  
  
"I was just saving you the trouble." Faith replies, just laughing it off. "I'm a dancer, did I tell you that?" She asks.  
  
"No. But I'm not surprised." The blonde slayer retorts with a grin.  
  
"Mind outta the gutter, B." Faith says through laughter. "I'm a backup dancer." She continues while playing with the drink that was just handed to her. "Well anyway, this morning a had an audition for some famous rapper's music video. Would of made rent for the next year if I got it right. So, the whole things going great until this bitch starts steppin' all over my Docs. I got all up in her face about it, right, 'cause I'm not lettin' some weave-wear wannabe smudge my boots. And the bitch wouldn't back down; she was talkin' shit I wouldn't even dare say. So I layed her out. Cold too. Then the 5 0 show up and arrest me for battery. Can you believe that!?" She finished, about ten notches above where she started.  
  
"No, I can't believe they would arrest you for knocking out a chick." Buffy says mockingly sympathetic.  
  
"Well, my sister had to bail me out. Third time this month. She wasn't happy." Faith said cringing at the thought her sister's anger. "So how about a movie?" She asks spontaneously.  
  
"I told you..." Buffy began but Faith jumped in quickly.  
  
"I know, not a people person. But there's not a lot of socializing involved in a movie, B." She argued smugly.  
  
"I guess not." Buffy says cowardly shy.  
  
"Tomorrow then?" Faith asked eagerly.  
  
"I dunno." Buffy replies, not really knowing why she's so hard on this girl. It's just a movie. What's so wrong with that? "Look, I'll make it easy ok Blondie. Tomorrow night I'm going to the late show of Texas Chainsaw Massacre at the Sunset 5. If you decide you would like to rejoin the human race, meet me there." Faith states and gets up to leave a spacey blonde alone with her thoughts.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Buffy looked objectively at herself in the grimy mirror. She couldn't believe how old she had gotten these past few months. She began to apply makeup to cover her dark circles when her eyes focused on the picture at the end of the dresser. She held back the tears as she admired her past life concealed in the photo. Herself and the scoobies gathered around the library, smiling truly happy smiles.  
  
She started to think again of how she let them down. She could no longer be their hero, their slayer. Then her mind drifted to the person she owed the most apologizes to. The only loved one she did not have a pictorial memory of. The man she loved so much, and she sent him to hell. She could no longer hold the tears when the image popped in her head of Angel with a sword in his midsection, put there but her.  
  
She weeped hard for lover, then harder for herself. And she stopped the moment she realized it could never be undone. I have to move on. Right then, she cleared her face of the tearstains, threw the picture in the trash and prepared for her night on the town.  
  
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Buffy shows up at the theater right on time but there is no sign of the feisty brunette. She waited for a few minutes before deciding she has been stood up.  
  
Across the alleyway, Faith slams a vampire against the wall and dusts him. She looks to the theatre to she Buffy stalking away. She runs across the street shaking the vampire bits from her clothes. "Hey B!" she shouts to the blonde who is about half a block away now. Buffy turns around immediately and smiles whole-heartedly at the enthused girl and Faith is floored. She has never seen anything so beautiful in her life.  
  
Buffy struts up to the wide-eyed girl, whose mouth is still slightly ajar and she gentle pushes her jaws closed. "Drool much?" She states smiling from ear to ear and Faith is pulled back to reality.  
  
"Um, the tickets were selling fast so I got you one." Faith forces out, showing the tickets to the blonde.  
  
"Thanks." She says taking one for herself. "What would you have done if I hadn't shown?" She asks with small grin.  
  
Faith, now fully composed again, replies, "Well, after I had recovered from my fractured ego, I would have invited the homeless guy downstairs. The one with the sign."  
  
"The one that says 'will work for food or movie'?" Buffy asked surprised.  
  
"Yup, he's cute and I so have a job for him to do." Faith said receiving a gasp and a smack in the arm form the Blonde as they entered the theater.  
  
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"I thought you bailed on me a couple of times." Faith says not looking at her friend as they exit the movies.  
  
"I had to use the bathroom." Buffy replied in a comforting tone as she thought how cute Faith looked when she was nervous. Wait! Cute? I think Faith's cute. Oh my God, I think Faith's cute. Buffy began to panic, the fear showing on her expressions.  
  
"B? Are you ok? You look a little tense." Faith said laying a comforting hand on her shoulder and Buffy immediately flinched away from her touch.  
  
"I'm fine. Horror movies get to me." She stated with a fake smile.  
  
"Going dancing?" Faith asked trying to ignore Buffy's obvious distress.  
  
"Why?" She asked being overly paranoid.  
  
"I'm not asking to go with, B. I was just curious as to what you had planned for tonight. I just thought you could use a friend. You know, of the friendly variety, not the kissy variety." Faith said annoyed and more then a little hurt. She couldn't understand why this girl was so sheltered and defensive.  
  
"Look, it's not the whole lesbian thing. It's just.... I don't need you as a friend, ok." Buffy stated, immediately feeling guilty for her harshness.  
  
"Wow. Message received." Faith retorted with a shocked tone.  
  
"I'll walk you to your car." Buffy said thinking maybe she could redeem herself between now and then. I do need a friend, so why not Faith? Why do I become such a bitch around her?  
  
"Oh, that's so sweet, B. You don't want anything to do with me, but you would want me to die in the underground parking." Faith said through grinded teeth; she couldn't wait for this night to end.  
  
"Where are you parked?" Buffy asked feeling her shame well up inside as they walked into the elevator.  
  
"On the Artist Formally Known as Prince Level." Faith sneered before the doors closed in front of them.  
  
They walked out of the elevator onto the parking lot and Buffy asks, "Which one's yours?"  
  
"The junker in space 23." Faith replies absently.  
  
"There's nothing in space 23." Buffy says confused.  
  
"Really?" Faith sneers, then goes into a fit, slamming her fist into the walls and swears incoherently.  
  
"Maybe you remembered wrong." The blonde said trying to calm Faith down a bit.  
  
"No! I didn't remember wrong! I can't fucking believe this!" She says, continuing to freak out and pound the walls. She stops and slumps down against the 23rd marker, holding her knees to her chest.  
  
"Faith...Don't..." Buffy says walking to her and laying a comforting hand on her shoulder.  
  
"What?! Don't cry. I don't fucking cry. It's a thing with me." Faith says giving the blonde a look fake contentment.  
  
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The two walk into Faith's apartment and Buffy curiously observes her new surroundings. "It's nice." She says just trying to be nice. Better then my hole.  
  
"It's a hole. But it suits me and Blanche just fine." Faith replies adjusting the place in the dark.  
  
"Speaking of Blanche." Buffy says walking to the cat shadow on the mantle just as Faith turns on the lights. The one-eyed cat hisses furiously at the blonde, who stumbles backwards from the fright. "Jesus!" She exclaims regaining herself.  
  
"You scared her." Faith accuses playfully while Buffy is still calming herself.  
  
"That's the ugliest cat I've ever seen." She blurts out with a small laugh.  
  
"She an angel." Faith rebuts while kneeling down to search for her beloved cat.  
  
"She's only got one eye." Buffy tries to argue.  
  
"Ya, but it's her good one." Comes the reply from the smugly contented brunette as she gazes at the uncomfortable girl.  
  
"I should get going." The blonde slayer states motioning herself toward the apartment door.  
  
"I could make coffee." Faith says, attempting to stall the girl a little while longer.  
  
"I don't drink coffee." She replies, now holding the doorknob. Why are you still here? Just turn it and go.  
  
"She doesn't drink coffee..." The brunette slayer says to herself, not quite believing how good Buffy is at kiss- offs.  
  
"I don't wanna..." The blonde started, but stuttered. Hurt you? I'm leaving 'cause I don't want to hurt you. But before she could tell Faith what she was feeling, she interrupted.  
  
"You don't wanna be mean. Go ahead." She finished for the blonde, already too tired for another misled attempt at friendship.  
  
"You're really great, terrific even. But I can't do this. I'm sorry and.... goodbye." She returns, wanting to repair the damage she has imposed on the brunette, but not being able to build or clarify herself out of shear cowardice.  
  
"Goodbye or goodnight?" Faith asked hopefully. Though she couldn't understand why she was so persistent with Buffy, she was not ready to give up just yet.  
  
"Goodbye." Buffy says walking though the door, not giving Faith a chance to argue anymore.  
  
Faith buries her head in her hands once she could no longer stare at the closed door with her hopefully eyes, and they dim before becoming flooded with tears.  
  
She quickly cleared her mind of Buffy's escape and cleaned the tearstains from her face when the phone rang incessantly through her home and she ran to pick it up. "Hello. Ya, you did it all perfectly. I'll pick up the car tomorrow. No, you won't be meeting her. It didn't work out. Ok, I'll put it this way; she lacks all feeling, except maybe fear, which she expresses quite often. She's afraid of people, afraid of relationships of every kind, and most importantly, she's afraid of me. You want more? Well the girl doesn't say much and when she does, she finds the perfect collection of words to crush my soul... Of course I'm crazy about her." She says solemnly.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Faith is sitting silently at the bar stirring her drink randomly, more focused on her unrelently thoughts of a certain blonde then of her surroundings. She suddenly senses an unformilular presence at her side, and she looks to see some chump with a cocky grin spread across his features. "Can I buy you a drink?" She hears slither from him still smirking lips.  
  
"I already have one." Faith says, hoping her blunt rudeness will fend off the unwanted attention.  
  
"How about another." The guy says insistently. Then, not waiting for a response, he orders two more drinks for them. Faith sees him step back form the bar and circle to the her other side, feeling his eyes following her amazing curves the whole way. Then Mr. Irritating speaks again. "I like your tight body. Looks like it would do whatever I tell it." He says still upholding his confidence in his facial expression.  
  
By the time he had finished, Faith was speechless. She had dealt with lots of assholes like this before, but this one could not take a hint. The last words that slipped from his mouth were so obnoxious, she just couldn't believe it. "What?" She exclaimed, not really being able to comprehend his moronic existence enough to communicate anything else.  
  
"I said..." The moron began to repeat his prior statements, but was cut off quickly.  
  
"No, I heard what you said. What I meant was, why don't you do the world a big fucking favor and crawl back into your mothers womb." Faith furiously stated.  
  
"Some girls like men to say things like that to them." The guy argued further.  
  
Faith was getting more livid with every word that passed the jerk's lips. "Some girls like men to take a dump on them. I'm not either one of those girls." She spate back.  
  
"I like your dirty little mouth." He announced and Faith lost it.  
  
"You better get the fuck outta my face right fucking now!" She shouted ferociously.  
  
"What's your problem?" The guy asked, and Faith could not believe this conversation was still continuing.  
  
"What's my problem?! You can not be for real!" She proclaimed, getting up to finally end her time with this clueless moron.  
  
"Is your hair naturally wavy?" He enquires following her from the bar and reaching for her raven locks.  
  
"If you so much as even think of touching, you are gonna find yourself limping back to your mother's womb." The brunette slayer genuinely declared.  
  
"I'll take my chances." The idiot stated, attempting to comb his finger though her dark hair. Faith reacted immediately, first kicking him in the groan and then kneeing him in the face. He laid in a bloody pile on the floor as the brunette grabbed her free drinks and walked in to the crowd.  
  
Before she could gather her thoughts, she found herself standing in front of her hearts desire, holding a rum and coke in each hand. "This isn't how it looks." She said, irritated by the circumstances of their encounter.  
  
"Most things aren't." Buffy replied honestly.  
  
Faith realized at that moment that she did not want to, nor did she have to explain herself to the blonde. "Right." She stated quickly attempting to by pass a conversation and hopefully disregard Buffy for good.  
  
"Faith. I've been thinking." Buffy confided before she could pass her.  
  
"And?" The brunette asked feeling irritated that she had once more been drawn into the trap Buffy had set.  
  
"I've been unfair to you. It's just I have a lot on my mind, a lot has happened and..." The blonde began, but was quickly cut off by Faith.  
  
"Well a lot has happened to me lately too. Hell, a lot has happened in the last few minutes. So you know what, let's just call this the new me." She informed holding up both glasses and trying to smile weakly at the girl.  
  
"There was nothing wrong with the old you." Buffy announced, causing Faith's sorry attempt at a smile to complete drop to a scowl.  
  
"You can't do that. You can treat people the way you do and then say something so adorable like that." Faith said, knowing her accusations were hollow.  
  
Buffy smiled at her comment, but had to ignore it for now. She knew that she needed to say these things now. "There are some things about me you don't know." She began.  
  
"I don't know anything about you." Faith spate back without hesitation.  
  
"Do you wanna get a table." Buffy asked. This is gonna take awhile.  
  
They walked to a table together and sat quietly, until Faith broke the silence. "So. I'm gonna take a stab at Buffy's story. You had a great love, the romance of your lifetime. Totally cosmic, out of this world bond with Mr. X before he left you." She inquired and received a nod from Buffy.  
  
"You're not far off." She replied.  
  
"Well, B. I'm not trying to demean your relationship, but most people just accept it and move on." Faith said quietly. She stared at her drink rather then look up the beauty across from her.  
  
"I'm meant to be alone." Buffy responded and Faith looked up. They looked at each other contently for a moment before Faith picked up the conversation again.  
  
"You need to find love again." She said reaching for the blonde's hand and gently squeezing it in an act of comfort.  
  
Buffy relaxed under her touch but ripped herself from Faith grip and quietly replied, "I can't. No more then you can...."  
  
"Anymore then I can what?" Faith inquired taking a moment to sip her drink.  
  
Buffy paused for another second then stated "Anymore then you can stop drinking."  
  
Faith did not speak. She simply smile in a satisfactory way and proceeded to spit out her drink, slowly allowing it to run from her mouth down her chin, and then she dropped the glass on the floor beside her.  
  
Buffy was stunned. She just sat quietly and observed Faith. She stays silent when a waiter rushed to Faith and offered her a free drink as he cleaned up the mess. The blonde found herself grinning as Faith politely told she didn't want one, and when he persisted she only said, "Look, fuck off." The insulted waiter went one his way and Faith turned back to Buffy. "Where were we? Yes, I've just given up drinking and you're going tell me about the love of your life." She stated, obviously proud of herself.  
  
"His name was Angel." Buffy replied, loosing the playful smile on her lips.  
  
"And he was your first?" Faith perceived knowingly.  
  
Buffy dropped her gaze to the table and twiddled her thumb awhile before answering "Yeah." Faith reacted by taking her hand once again. This time Buffy didn't retreat, but also did not lift her eyes. She stared contently at her hand in Faith's as she gently rubbed her thumb over Buffy's fingers softly. She watched so exclusively, the sound of the brunette's voice did not distract her gaze.  
  
"It's normal to lift out first love to some sort of magical place, but you fell in love and he left you and now you're dealing with love's most common byproduct; suicidal manic depression. Feel better?" Faith stated relishing in her own observations.  
  
"No. It's complicated, hard to talk about..." Buffy responded, feeling her eyes swell with sadness. But still didn't remove herself from Faith grasp. She heard Faith began to speak again and finally rised her eyes to meet those dark pools. The brunette was taken back by the emanate tears in Buffy's eyes as she began to repeat a story to the blonde.  
  
"I have this friend, jazz musician, trumpet player. Really terrific. And I go to hear him jam every month or so. And he plays this piece I love, an old Miles Davis song and he blows the same notes evey time and every time it sounds different. And we had a drink one night, when I used to drink, and I tried to tell him how that song made me feel, how his playing made me feel, how the music made me feel. And he just kept shaking his head and he said, 'Faith, you can't talk about music. Talkin' about music is like dancing about architecture.' And I said, 'Well if you're gonna get all philosophical on me, it's just as useless as talking about a lot of things. Love for instance.' And my friend laughed and he said, "Definitely. Talking about love is like dancing about architecture'. So I don't know, he might be right. But it ain't gonna stop me from trying." Faith finished and she saw the evidence of tears in Buffy's eye disappear and her face brighten with a small smile. "I wish you'd do that more often.... Smile." She said giving the girls hand a light squeeze.  
  
Buffy reciprocated by gently compressing Faith's hand in hers as she said, "So do I."  
  
Faith took a minute just to enjoy the blonde before her, to feel the warmth of her smile and the softness of her hand, and then she continued to investigate her background. "So let me guess, he changed?" She inquired.  
  
"He changed." Buffy agreed and could no longer hold back her sadness. She let the tears flow freely as Faith got up and took her in her strong arms. She listened intently to the soft word of comfort the girl whispered to her and slowly felt the pain subside. She looked up to the brunette to thank her and maybe apologies for the outburst. But before she could speak, Faith brushed a lock of golden hair behind her ear and wiped the liquid from her tearstained face. They both found themselves locked to each other, and unknowingly their heads grew closer together. All of a sudden, a terrified scream echoes through the club.  
  
They both turn to see a pack of vampires harassing the loyal clientele across the now cleared dance floor. In unison they turn to each other and demanded, "Get out of here!"  
  
Buffy seemed completely lost in her confusion but a wave of realization swept over Faith. "Fuck!" She exclaimed grinning machiviously. "Buffy! The slayer from Sunnydale! I should have known...how many Buffys can there be?" She said to herself.  
  
Buffy glared at her last comment and then realized the extraordinary situation for herself. "Oh my God! You're the new slayer?!" She announced in a slightly higher pitch.  
  
Faith cringed a bit and then nodded to the commotion across the club. "Ready to kick some vampire ass?" She asked with flirty wink and they charged the intruders together.  
  
They both found targets on the dance floor and began to fight their opponent in perfect synchronicity. For the observers it was like a beautiful balley. They passed vampires back and forth between them, dusting the undead in eerie unison, and feeding off each others power.  
  
Once the place was completely cleaned of the walking dead, they looked to each other and without a word left the disserted club. When outside, Faith, still really juiced from the fight, said, "Man, B, you were awesome. We were awesome. Damn." Buffy noticed she was starting to sound like a valley girl, but she was less enthusiastic.  
  
"Um, yeah." She responded solemnly.  
  
"Hey, let me take you home." Faith sujested after seeing the still pained expression on the blondes face.  
  
They walked in silence to Faith car, when it began to rain about a block away. Faith grabbed Buffy's hand and ran with her to car. They sat inside, still in silence and Faith refused to start the vehicle. She was about to speak when Buffy beat her to it. "You got it back." She stated without emotion and Faith looked at her in confusion. "The police...your car." She tried to elaborate.  
  
"Oh." She simply replied. Her voice took on a more caring tone as she tried to speak again "B, are you..."  
  
Buffy cut her off quickly and said, "You still don't know the whole story...about Angel. And now that you know I'm the slayer. I mean a slayer, well...." She tried to find the right words but her conversational skills had depreciated quite a bit tonight.  
  
Faith could see how hard this was for the blonde, and she didn't wish anymore pain on her. "I'm sorry, you have to tell me everything..." She started to explain.  
  
"I want to tell. I want you to know." Buffy announced honestly. The she proceeded to tell the brunette about her lost love that was still so fresh in her mind. "Angel is a vampire." She simply stated and waited for Faith's response, before taking her story any further.  
  
"That was unexpected." The brunette replied calmly and genuinely. Buffy was surprised by her reaction, she had expected something more, well, explosive.  
  
She quickly decided to continue and began with, "He has a soul. He was cursed...with a soul. But he lost it when we...when we..." She tried to push the rest of her sentence but the tears swept over her. A few moments later she was able to continue. "He changed and....and I had to kill. Faith I sent him to hell." She said through her sobs. "I got kicked out of school, my mom kicked me out of the house, so I left." She said, rapping up her story. Faith had sat quietly and listened to every word that passed the blondes lips. She could finally understand why Buffy was so afraid to renter the world. She slowly reached out and gently tilted the blonde's head so she was looking at her again. Then Buffy spoke again. "Everyone I let in, everyone I love, I let down."  
  
Faith felt that now was a perfect time to actively participate in the conversation again. "B, I'm a slayer. It can be different." She pleaded to the glossy-eyed girl.  
  
Buffy looked away from her and calmly said, "It won't be different. I have to be alone."  
  
"Stop saying that!" Faith screamed forcibly.  
  
"You don't want me. I'm dangerous." Buffy screamed back to her.  
  
"For Christ sake Buffy! I was born to die fighting the undead! There's no way I would ever consider you dangerous. My life is always on the line, but at least I can be happy, at least I'm willing to let myself love.... I let myself love you." She began to plead, feeling almost hopeful.  
  
Buffy quickly distanced herself emotional from the conversation. Her tears had stopped and anger was evident in her voice as she spoke again. "I won't let you." She ordered in a flat voice.  
  
"Why?!" Faith asked, pleading again to the unresponsive blonde.  
  
With that, Buffy's walls fell again. She looked up to Faith's imploring eyes. "I won't let you love me...because I love you." She said feeling the tears flow down her face again.  
  
"You love me?" Faith asked, feeling her own cheeks become wet and she smiled at Buffy's words.  
  
"I gotta go." She replied in a panic. Then she reached for the door handle.  
  
Faith quickly locked the doors and grabbed the blonde by the shoulders. "No! You know how long I've waited for someone I care about to say that they love me?.... and for me to believe them? If you think you are getting outta this car you're insane!" She declared.  
  
Buffy tried to free herself but the brunette forced her to stay. She looked at the other girl again and just said gently, "It'll never work."  
  
"It already is." Faith replied with a small laugh.  
  
"I thought you didn't cry?" Buffy said, finally realizing the tearstains on her face.  
  
Faith didn't back down or feel ashamed she simply replied, "Surprise! I'm crying." With that Buffy reached over and wiped the tears from Faith's cheeks. She kept her hand positioned her the brunettes face and just stared at her puffy eyes. Faith stared contently back at her before leaning in to close the gap between their lips. They joined in a gentle, loving kiss that quickly grew to expose underlay passion.  
  
But almost as quickly as it had started the kiss ended with Buffy crying, "I can't." and fleeing the vehicle.  
  
Faith desperately called after her. "Buffy! Please, don't go!" She pleaded, but she was already out of site. Faith could only set alone with the sounds of the rain and her own choked sobs to accompany her.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Faith is lounging in her favorite chair by the window, with beautiful rays of the morning sun dancing on her natural face and her baby blue pj's with the phone held lazily up to her ear. "You ever think maybe we don't so much own our pets as they own us?" She asked my a smirky smile on her lips as she petted Blanche. "I didn't think so." She responded with a laugh. "Buffy? No. Trust me, I'll never hear from her again." She replied loosing her trademark grin and replacing it with a more sorrowful expression. "Is that a rhetorical question? Why is my life so complicated? Fuck, I dunno. Why is your life so fuckin' easy?" She exclaimed just as a knock sounded at the door. "Hold on, there's someone at the door." She said uninterested as another louder knock came. "Well I don't know 'til I answer it. Hold on." She finished, laying the phone on the table and walking towards the door.  
  
The obstruction of the entry way is removed to display the form of a short blonde-haired slayer. "Hi" She says shyly, but warmly.  
  
Faith could not contain her utter amazement at the appearance of Buffy. "I'm just on the phone, I'm gonna..." She says motioning for the telephone. "MCI. They're geniuses at tricking you into conversation." She lied easily to the blonde just inside the door frame.  
  
Buffy seemed to ignore her completely, and with out looking away from her own feet she stated, "I can't stop thinking about you."  
  
Faith was speechless. "Ahh...."  
  
And the blonde decided to continue with her unprecedented flattery. "Just looking at you makes me happy." She explained still avoiding the other's eyes.  
  
Faith was still at a loss as to what to say. She stumbled backwards slightly and announced, "I have to sit down."  
  
"When we're together, whether or not I show it, I just can't wait to hear the next words out of your mouth. But I need to ask you to do something for me." The blonde said finally making eye contact.  
  
"Anything." Faith quickly replied.  
  
"Shut up." Buffy requested just as quickly. And then she continued to explain her visit to the brunette. "I've been thinking about what you sad last night. I have no idea why you're so relentless, especially given the collection of defense I've thrown at you. But no matter how hard I've tried to block you out, everything you've said, the message has been received... in a place inside me that I thought had died. But it hasn't, it's alive and well. I can't make any promises but I'd like to try and be with you. It won't be easy but I'd like to try."  
  
Faith watched her talk silently with tears threatening and when Buffy finished she asked, "Can I say something?" The blonde just nodded and Faith continued, "You're right, it won't be easy.... but that's ok."  
  
"I want to be with you but I'm not ready for..." Buffy tried to explain herself but the word weren't coming.  
  
"Sex." Faith responded, knowing exactly what she meant.  
  
"I'm gonna have to take this slow. It's all new to me. Is that gonna be a problem?" She asked shyly.  
  
"When has having sex never been a problem?" Faith joked. "I'll be honest, it's gonna be hard not to express physically what I feel for you but we can go slow." She said getting up and walking to the girl. "There's nothing wrong with kissing, or holding each other, or loving each other forever." She finished taking Buffy in her arms.  
  
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Buffy whispered happily in her ear.  
  
"Usually that line is screamed at me by somebody running out the door. Not holding me and staying. Thanks for a change." Faith stated. Then she pulled away gentaly to capture the girls lips in an unbelievable kiss.  
  
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The chosen two now sat entwined on the couch, contently enjoying the warmth of one another.  
  
Feeling her lover's fingers comb through the hair, Buffy sighed and said "I forgot what it felt like to be this close to someone."  
  
Faith stopped her movements for a moment to think of the blonde's comment. "I've never been this close to anyone." She finally responded and continued to stroke Buffy's long locks, when something occurred to her. "B, we're always gonna be honest with each other, right?" She enquired.  
  
"It's essential." Buffy replied without hesitation.  
  
The brunette moved herself so she could see the face of her love. "I have to confess something. That night we went to the movies and you walked me to my car..."  
  
Buffy cut her off with a knowing smile. "The one you pretended was stolen?" She asked mockingly.  
  
"You knew?" Faith exclaimed, feeling her cheeks redden.  
  
"I may have been a basket case that evening, but I wasn't born yesterday." Buffy commented with an even greater smile.  
  
"I so very mush love you." Faith said reaching to cup the blonde's face with her hand.  
  
"And I love you." Buffy responded. Then putting her hand on the lover's already positioned on her own face she said "And darling, in time I may even get to like this mangy cat of ours."  
  
Faith glanced over at Blanche, who was starring coldly at the couple. "She's got her eye on you." She stated.  
  
"And it's her good one." Buffy joked before moving in to kiss her girlfriend quickly but passionately. Still holding Faith's face in her hands, she closed her eyes and said, "I want to stay like this forever."  
  
The End 


End file.
